exchange

i went to church this afternoon by my mother's ask.
i pray to god for real at the first of my life.
i don't think god will forgive me, since i always consider myself as an atheist.
so, i make a trade to god.
i tell him, if he gives the thing i want now, he can take whatever he wants from me.
i didn't tell my mother what i said. she thought i just avoid her words like usual. she thought i went somewhere else instead of church.
i don't why i went to church this time. i don't why i prayed this time, but i do know i felt better when i came out the place.